Tomorrow is the official last day of school (for the kids anyways). Part of me thought I would be more excited to get to this point, but currently I feel nothing. I am so exhausted I think my body is over emotions right now. My room is stark and smells like bleach. No longer are my carefully planned bulliten boards on the wall, my wedding picture and diploma are removed. Honestly it is quite a depressing site- but it also signifies a new beginning.
After Friday I will no longer be a special area teacher- I will now be a fifth grade teacher. This is a new and exciting journey and I honestly don't know what to think. I like 5th graders, in fact some of my favorite students right now are fifth graders- but I feel so removed from the classroom right now. I am a little worried that I am setting myself up for failure and I will discover that I really am a crappy teacher. I worry about these things now and the school year isn't even over, I can only imagine what will happen come August.
But I am thankful for the people I have met these pasrt two years...even the annoying ones. I mean every good story has to have a villian and I have come across a few. And even when I struggle to keep a professional exterior, as I crumbled inside, it really hasn't been that bad of a journey. Teaching is the hardest job I think I will ever have and I find comfort knowing I have made it this far.
So wish me luck tomorrow as I say goodbye to the place and the people who helped mold me into the teacher I am bound to become.
I plan on wearing a dres everyday this week. Not a huge goal, or even impressive for that matter- but something I want to do so I can feel girly and fabulous as much as I can. I have bought 6 dresses to add to my collection, all within the past few weeks.
So watch out world...Melissa is wearing a dress, everyday.
I have been struggling, begging, pleading, and wanting a 3rd grade position at my school and after months of this will I won't I soap opera...the reigning hand of the district sweeps in and awards the position to someone who I consider sub par.
I need a change. This year has been beyond draining and for a typically pesimistic person- this year has gone too far. I have lost myself in the blanket of negativity and I have lost my way. I am not happy professionally and it is really effecting my everyday life.
But when did it get so bad? Was it the added stress of working on my masters, the stress of being a newlywed and wanting to nest in a house of our own, or is it just a huge underlining dissatifaction of myself? Am I truely where I thought I would be?
As the big 2-6 rounds the corner I am weighed dow with so many questions on where I am going. Nothing seems certain right now and for a person who is as big as a planner as I am- this is an unwelcomed roller coaster. I want to find that piece of mind that has slipped from my possession. I want to feel successful, healthy, happy.And for some reason this all comes back to a job, a position, a title. I want to know I am going to be ok without it.
The rules are as follows: 1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you. 2. Post these rules on your blog. 3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself. 4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs. 5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting on comment on their blog.
-I have been tagged by Brandi -I posted the rules above.
#1: Weird: I am obsessed with popping my husband's pimples...like obsessed. If I see that he has one on his back from across the room I leap to attention and get to work. I wonder if I am in the wrong profession.
#2: Weird/Random: I can put my fist in my mouth.
#3: Random: I am scared out of my mind of falling. Even going on the down escalator is an ordeal for me- I think I need pills.
#4: Random: I am going to Michigan on Saturday to see the relatives and I am really excited.
#5: Random: Once I start a decorating or organizing project I will not sleep until its done. Ask my past roomates and my husband- I am a freak.
#6: Weird: Matt and I have discussed and planned out a zombie plan. SOme people have fire vac plans- we have zombie attack plans.
#7: Weird/Random: I cannot sleep naked, I've tried, I need underwear on.
I am going to wait on tagging people for now- I really should be doing homework!
For the first time ever I am actually trying to shop for xmas early this year. OS far my accomplishment is finishing shopping for my niece. I really wish that everyone could be as easy to shop for as a 6 month old is. She won't complain about the clothes I picked out, she won't tell me I purchased the wrong toy, or be upset if the gift I got her closely resmbled a houseware. As much as I love my family and spending the holidays with them- it always turns into this stressful event. Here is why:
1) Regardless of whether you can afford to or not- it is expected that you purchase gifts for everyone (mom, dad, sister, bro in law). My mom is perhaps the largest advocate of this and where I learned all of my horrible/selfish holiday behavior.
2) It is not ok just to get people stuff they need- you have to get them stuff they want. It is known in my family that my mother will be pissed if she recieves houseares or a gift that implies she needs to cook or clean anything. Every year my father refuses to tell us what he really wants- gets clothes- then acts a little butt hurt for the rest of the year. Seriously it is never a win situation.
3) My sister will put about 1/4 the effort and money towards your gift, but expects 110% from you. I am always disapointed by what my sister gets me. It really makes you feel like she has no idea who you are. One year she got my mom free sample perfume and she never remembers that my father hates shirts with pockets on them. Also she will count the number of packages for her under the tree. If her stack is smaller and has a smaller price tag on it she will be pissed off.
4) None of my presents are ever a surprise. My father (the big spender) takes me xmas shopping with him to get stuff for the rest of the family. If he didn't directly purchase my present in front of me, he always spills the beans while shopping. Oh and the last 3 years he has made me wrap all presents, including my own. My mom also makes me shop for me with her and Matt is just horrible with secrets.
I know this all makes it sound like I hate Christmas- but I don't. I think I just have this expectation of how things should be and always feel a bit dissapointed when things sway from that idea. For once I would like to not feel like I have to spend my whole paycheck to give my family the Christmas they want/deserve. And I really wish that at least a few of my presents were a surprise and that for once my sister took the extra time to get me that one great gift...not the necklace she bought for herself but never returned or the pair of count slippers(long story). I guess I wish we bought more into the Christmas spirit vs. the Christmas consumer. I love my family but sometimes I know we have the wrong priorities and unfortunatly I am guilty of this too.
Day 2 at the gym. Matt and I took the plunge and joined a gym much closer to our house than the previous one. We emptied the fridge and went shopping and planned meals.It is the first step of many steps in the right direction. Right now we have the goal for a 50lb loss for the both of us.
Wish us luck! I will eventually post the lovely before picture I took of Matt.
Big shocker- I know. It really is time to committ to something. I have already cut my portions down, but I am inconsistant with that. No more excuses, I need to lose weight and a lot of it. I am 257lbs, unacceptable. I need to lose weight once and for all- who's with me?!!
